Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I think my fart just growled at me.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
