There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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