I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
