Heybabeimwearingurpanties
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
