thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
