her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We need a shit load of segways right now
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
