Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
