Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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