She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
