Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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