I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
