I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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