Have you finally orgasmed yet?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize