I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
