My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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