i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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