its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
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