she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You need a sexual gate keeper
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
