Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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