my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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