so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
