They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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