I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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