david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
