Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
