I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
