Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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