You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
