After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
