I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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