it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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