I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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