Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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