Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
we're so committed to being not committed
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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