Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
