Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
