i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
