How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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