Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
