Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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