would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
