eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
