Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
