She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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