You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
