Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
