i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
