You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
