My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
