I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Randomize
