3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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