It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
