I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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