I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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