"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize