It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
