i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I forgot wine drunk hurts
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
