the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
