To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
