dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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