i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize