the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
