I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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