He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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