There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
