I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
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