While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
