A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
