god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
