he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I can't put those talents on a resume
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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