I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize