You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
