she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
