I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
